You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
