I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
