I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize