I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
