A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
