i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hippo gnu deer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
