Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize