So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize