you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
