well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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