My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
