My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
