i barfeds in our rink
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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