If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
