my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize