i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
