I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
