And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
