yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
