did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
