I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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