Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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