I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
even my farts smell like vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
True strength comes from lack of pants
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
