This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
