my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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