I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
