Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
