I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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