I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
