I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
