I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize