sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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