Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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