It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
