I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
