Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
