the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
