I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
