After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
