So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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