Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
