me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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