I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh god it's open bar.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize