I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
