by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
