Having a random hookup so left but love u
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
