Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
