After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
