mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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