One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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