Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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