is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
