new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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