I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at about main and main street
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
