I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
