South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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