dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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