i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
