I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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