put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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