i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
