If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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