i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
