i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
