the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
