she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
