so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Boobs speak an international language.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
