i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
