Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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