she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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