it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize