The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's get the cat blown out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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